The Purpose

Wow it’s already June, and it’s time to go to SICC again. Last Friday, when we are organizing the transportation, I got separated car with my friend from Canada. And God, I admit it, I was disappointed. But I pray to You, may Your plan that happens in my life. Tomorrow morning, I’m shocked I can get in the same car with her. I just believe that’s an intervention from You. Thanks God 🙂

When we arrived at SICC, I can’t get the sit beside her, and truthfully I’m expecting her to sit beside me. But then You remind me,”what is your purpose coming here? Is it for her? Or to see Me?”. I just cried back then, apologizing for my mistake. Then I realized, the number 1 place in my heart has been changed, and because of that You make me apart from her like in my prayer. Thanks God, You answered my prayer and make me turn back at the path where I supposed to walk. I’m hoping, You watch over my heart, my mind, and my action so I can always walk with You 😀

 

*Based On True Stories

Prophetic Discussion

God, last Monday night, we’re having training worship leader, guitar, keyboard, drum, and bass. In the break time I take my time having a conversation with my mentor about prophetic, cause I know I still need to learn a lot of things about prophetic. My mentor said I must read the bible and understand what its meaning, not just read it. Also, he said to me to pray to stop the vision that I got lately, cause every vision must have a basic and the basic is Your words, God. I do realize I’m still lacking of Your words, so I want to learn to know more about You 🙂

After that, I told my friend from Canada about the message I got from my mentor. And I said to her, to read the bible too, because she is prophetic too like me. When I said to pray to stop the vision, she said she doesn’t want to do it. Because for her it’s like a big gift from You, God. Even she said, just thinking about to stop the vision she already sad. When she say that, in my mind I know she loves You more than she said. If I recall my prayer, I ask You a spouse that love You more than anything else and she’s qualified for that :p. In my heart I just hoping she is the one for me, but I want Your plan that happen in my life. Also, I pray if she’s the one that You choose, please open the way, if she’s not, please close the way. When I’m already close to her, I don’t want You in the second place, and if I make You the second, make me apart from her. Amen 😀

*Based On True Stories

Realize

Yesterday, I came to the funeral home, to give a visit to my Canada friend grandma. At first, I think there will be some peoples coming with me, but when the time is nearly come they all said they can’t come. But I said, I’m still coming even it means I come alone. In the way, I just wondering why did I must go? And I pray to You, Jesus,”I don’t know the reason for I’m coming there, but I surrender it in Your hand. Every words that come out from my mouth, it will be only Your words. And every action that I do, it’s already part of Your plan. Amen”.

When I arrived there, me and her having a conversation about a lot of things. Sometimes we laugh over something, and the most funniest thing is she bite the bean into two pieces but the nutshell is still covered the bean, then one piece is dropped at the table, but she said,”Ah, it’s dirty”. And she throw them into the plastic garbage then I’m laughing out loud :p. Sometimes she’s really funny, but sometimes she’s so cool. And she have a hobby biting the drinking straw, then the straw is becoming sprawl. When I ask why did she bite the straw, she’s laughing and we’re laughing :p

God, I just wondering, is she realize my feelings for her? Or she just think of me as a friend? Cause sometimes when she tells me about her friend in Vancouver, I was becoming awkward, and she always said in the end she don’t even know too if she’s like him too. God, I really want her to know my feelings for her, it’s my own desire, but in the end let Your plan that may happen in my life. And I pray to You God,”give her a smile and joy that will never gone. Amen”. Cause I want the best thing to happen in her life, not just my own desire 😀

 

*Based On True Stories

The Best Plan For Her

Father, last Thursday, my Canada friend grandma’s was left the earth. I’m so sorry to heard that and I try to cheer her up. In my faith, she is coming to heaven. But I don’t know yet is it true or not, so at the prayer event, I ask You about it. And You just simply say,”I love her too, and I want her to be with me”. And then You give me a vision that she’s walking with You at a bridge to enter a door. Around the door there are so many clouds and the floor of the bridge is being made by red, yellow, and green onyx. It’s really really beautiful to see and I believe too there is no floor like that in earth.

Ohh, I almost forgot, I see the face of her grandma is smiling. And I believe her grandma is happy be with You, Father. I pray for her family to stay strong facing this situation, cause in You there is no accident, but it will always the best plan that You have for her. Amen 🙂

 

*Based On True Stories

The Honesty

God, yesterday one of my best friend said sorry to me if he’s ever doing anything bad, or even if he’s ever hurt me with his words or his actions. And I’m glad he’s coming back as the old friend that I know, thanks to You, God. And also thanks to my friend from Canada :p

But at the same time, I’m also sad, because he said he’s hoping that my friend from Canada will be his future. I can’t even properly said that I like her, but now my best friend is liking her too. At the same time, I was asked to become a worship leader this Thursday. It’s not like I’m arrogant, but I’m thinking if I lead people to see You, but me, myself was miserable, how could that be? So, I pray to You, to heal me if You want me to be the worship leader this Thursday.

I can’t even sleep last night thinking how should I do this. And it’s so hurt for me, God. Every time I’m starting to like someone, it’s always like this, and in the end I try to solve it myself. But not this time, I come to You, God, begging for Your mercy and Your grace. Cause I don’t want to fell again in the same mistakes, in the same situations, and in the same problems. I even cried, cause it’s so heavy for me. But You heard my prayer and said,”Believe Me and believe in My promise”. And when I do that, You really change every thing that miserable, become a bright one. I just can’t thank You enough, God 😥

You made me had a phone call with her, without any plan from the start. I even never thinking about it, I’m really really grateful for it. Maybe she think of me just as friend, but right now, I’ll be honest with You, God. I like her so much, and I ask for Your permission, to become close with her. So she will think of me not just as a friend, not as best friend, not as brother, but more than that with Your permission too. Cause You’re our Father and if You granted the permission, I know You will make a way for us 😀

 

*Based On True Stories

Chit Chat

Dear Father,

Last Friday is the day of Empowered 21, and I’m so excited about it. Before we go, I went to pick up my friend from Canada. She said she haven’t eat anything for lunch, so we buy some food. Then we gather with the others and go to the SICC. In the car, my friends make me sit at the back with her alone. All the way, we chat about a lot of things, even the “gift” from You Father, the confirmation – confirmation, and many other things. It’s like we have our own world and my friends have theirs. Sometimes they teasing us, but we don’t make any respond, maybe it’s because the chat is too exciting for us :p

Finally we’ve arrived, and it’s raining. My friends just run without anything in their head, but me and her share an umbrella, because she cares so much with her bag :p , but it’s okay. And she paid Rp 10.000,- for the umbrella, I just wondering in my heart, it’s sooooo expensive for an umbrella. Then we go in for the event, and it’s really really amazing, it’s like Your Presence is making me feel so calm. And I was so amazed by You, Father 😀

Then, finally we’re going home, and along the way home, we chat again about our life, our experience in the old times and we know each other better now. And I know it’s the work of Your hand, Father. Thank you so much 🙂

*Based On True Stories

The Shepherd of My Life

God, since the last Monday, I just feel that I can’t reach You. I can’t hear Your voice. But I know You’re there watching over me, leading my way, but still I can’t speak to You. It feels so depressed to walk alone in this life. But You’re so good to me, You give me friend so I can share of this problem to her 🙂

I’m afraid that I could be an annoying one for her, because almost everyday I contact her. But she said to me,”come on, tell me what’s the matter”. God, I never know Your plan of me, but when You let her come into my life, I’m afraid that I’ll be in love in her. Cause she’s so good, has a warm heart, she follows You with all of her heart. In my past, I always walk on my own, to decide who is the one I like. But in the end, You stopped me with a failure. This time, when You give me a problem, I just can share it to her. Is this what You want, God? If this is my own selfish wants, please cut it out. Because I want You to lead my way, not I’m leading You. Cause You’re the shepherd and I’m the sheep, and wherever You want me to walk, I will follow You 😀

 

*Based On True Stories

Spouse

Wow, it’s already Saturday again, Thanks Jesus 🙂

Jesus, this time I was assigned as a Worship Leader, and my friend who is from Canada was assigned as a singer. Before I start the practice, I always choose to pray alone in the prayer room. In my prayer, I ask for Your Holy Spirit filling me, so I’m full of Your presence. And the last question in my prayer, I’m asking for Your confirmation about the person who is going to be my spouse, and when You answered me,”I will make something that you will realize it’s a sign from Me”. I’m just thinking is this my own heart speaking? But still, I’m waiting for the moment You tell me, and it’s really happening. At first seeing her, she feels a little tired, so I don’t joke a lot with her. But just then, You made a moment just like the two of us talking without anyone else. I realized, that’s the moment You made for me as a sign.

But still, it’s like I’m still waiting for Your confirmation again and again. The strongest confirmation for me is when she said to me or she ask me,”Is it you who are going to be my spouse?”. Then I’m sure that’s the sign from You, Jesus. And teach me how to be more sensitive about Your voice and Your message 😀

 

*Based On True Stories

The Ascension Day

The Ascension Day is coming~

I’m really really can’t wait for this day, God. One day before, I just ask my mentor if we can do a prayer in my church, because there’s no celebration in my church. She said to ask the other mentor, okay and I ask my other mentor. I was a little depressed that time, and thinking it can’t be done. Then out of my expectation my mentor said,”of course!”, and the first sentence come out from mouth is “Thanks God”, I don’t know why, it’s like I’m really excited about that prayer. After that, I tell my friend who is from Canada that, there will be a prayer in our church tomorrow and she’s excited too.

And the day I’ve been waiting has come. We will start the prayer at 10 o’clock, but I’ve been there since 9.45. At 10.05 she’s coming with a shocked face, because there’s no one else. We start talking and I’m playing the guitar. Since there’s 2 guitars, so she take one but she said she can’t play it. Not too long after that, my friends are coming and we start the prayer.

After we finished the prayer, we decided to go to the mall. And it’s like a double date for me, but I know she don’t see it that way and maybe she’s uncomfortable, so sometimes I take a distance from her. But it’s okay, I’m grateful God, I can spend a lot of time with her and knowing her better.

One thing that I can learn in this day, when I seek You in the first place, You will make a way for me. But still, I don’t know if she’s the one or not. I’m still waiting for Your confirmation with a lot of joy 😀

 

*Based On True Stories

Focus to You, Lord

It’s back! The Worship Leader training. I was waiting for a long time to practice again. And finally the time has come. Woohoo, really really big thanks Jesus 😀

This time, my friend from Canada will join the training. And we really appreciate her for coming to join us. Even she’s a bit late, but she still get the practice too. And when she’s singing, her voice is so clean and soft. Then I know, why did You give her a “gift” like You did to me. Cause she has a soft and beauty heart. It’s like I said about her was so exaggerated, but I know it’s the truth, isn’t it Father? And I’m amazed because of You

Then some of my friend, start a gossip of me and her. It’s about the last Saturday that I stay alone with her in the living room. And the bad news, it’s affect me! It makes me become awkward with her, and I know she feels a little awkward too, but she don’t show it and covered it with her smile. After I get home, I said my sorry to her, because of me she got gossiped too. But she answered me,”it’s okay, I don’t really mind that kind of gossip, cause I don’t like awkwardness so I choose not to bother it.” Thanks God, she’s saying like that. And one more thing that I learn from her, she don’t care about the world business, because she’s just too focused in You, Lord. And I’m start thinking to have a focus like her too :p

Thanks Lord, for Your teachings for me through her 😀

 

*Based On True Stories